Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

The Costco Parking Lot

I was 18 years old, home from college for the summer, standing in a Costco parking lot in Chico, California with my mom. What I remember is that somewhere between the car and getting our cart, she asked me if I had “more than just friends feelings” for a woman I had not stopped talking about since coming home. I paused, deciding if this was the moment. And then I said yes, I was gay, and immediately asked her to tell my dad for me.

It was not the declaration I had imagined. Just a scorching hot parking lot and one of the most important conversations of my life.

I had spent years believing that coming out was about giving the people I loved a chance to accept me, or the chance to reject me. That I was handing something over and waiting to see if they caught it. What I did not expect was what happened in the weeks and months after. Something had shifted, and it was not just in my relationships. It was in me. I had given myself permission to be seen, and in doing so, I finally saw myself clearly.

That is the surprise no one warns you about. Coming out is not about them. It is about us, and the permission we finally give ourselves to be fully known.

The Financial Shame Nobody Talks About

I have been working as a financial advisor for years now, and I see a pattern with people that feels very familiar.

In my work, I’ve seen people hiding something about their finances. Some feel embarrassed they don’t understand investing. Some feel ashamed they didn’t start saving sooner. Some are quietly carrying a financial advisor relationship that does not fit, with someone who does not speak their language or share their values, and they feel too far in to leave. Others have never told a single person in their life that they are working with a financial advisor, because they aren’t sure how it will land.

This hiding and doing nothing doesn’t mean someone doesn’t care. Sometimes it can mean they are afraid. Afraid of doing something wrong. Afraid of being judged. Afraid of what it might mean about them if people found out they have money, or perhaps worse… that they needed help with it.

The details are different for everyone. But the hiding? That part is remarkably universal.

What Happens When You Tell Someone You Hired a Financial Advisor?

There is a moment I watch for with new clients. It is quiet, but I notice it.

It is the moment they tell someone in their life that they hired a financial advisor. Sometimes it’s a coworker. Sometimes a close friend. Sometimes it comes up at dinner and they mention it almost by accident. 

But something happens when they say it out loud. What starts as a simple fact can become something transformational. The shame starts to dissipate and the hiding starts to feel unnecessary. Instead of bracing for judgment, they may start to find (often with surprise) that the people around them are actually really proud of them.

And more than that, they can begin to feel proud of themselves too.

That is the shift. From hiding to being seen. From confusion to confidence. From going it alone to having a team in place that is actually helping them move forward. It is not so different from a Costco parking lot in Chico.

Because coming out is not about them. It never was. It is about finally giving yourself  permission to stop pretending that everything is fine, and to ask for exactly the help you need.

This Is Not Something to Be Ashamed Of

Getting your finances together is not something to hide. Working with a financial advisor is not a sign that you cannot figure it out on your own. Having money, understanding your money, and wanting your money to work for your life is not something to be embarrassed about.

When your finances are aligned with your values and your goals, it can be one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself and for the people you love. Your financial plan can help support the life you actually want to build. Your estate plan can help protect the people who matter most to you. Your investment strategy can reflect what you actually care about.

Pride is not just a feeling. It’s also a practice. And part of that practice, for a lot of us, is building a financial life we no longer have to hide.

Moving From Hiding to Confidence

Here is what I’ve seen happen when clients stop hiding their financial lives.

• They start asking questions without apologizing. 
• They begin to understand what their money is actually doing. 
• They may feel calm instead of anxious when they think about the future. 
• Over time, they can begin talking to the people around them, their kids, their friends, their community, because they finally feel like they have something worth sharing.

They go from being the person who avoids the topic to being the person who helps others find their footing. That is not a small thing. That is leadership.

Wherever you are in your financial life, this is a good time to ask yourself: what are you still hiding? And what might change if you stopped?

How to Start Working with a Financial Advisor

You do not need to have it all figured out to start a conversation. You just need to be willing to say it out loud to one person. That is how it begins. Not in some grand declaration, but in a quiet moment, maybe even in a parking lot, where you finally give yourself permission to be honest about where you are and what you need. 

If you are ready to start building a financial life that actually reflects who you are, we would love to be the people you tell first. Reach out to our team and let’s talk.