Ron Lieber, The New York Times personal finance columnist, has a new book on how to raise money-healthy kids. But The Opposite of Spoiled is just as much about helping adults as it is about helping kids.
1. Ron writes that kids choose a college, one of the biggest financial decisions of their lifetime, at age 17. Maybe they need some guidance in this process! Parents are anything but neutral, so it may be worthwhile to hire an independent consultant or friend. The cost of a consultant pales in comparison to the cost of choosing the wrong school.
Similarly, many of my adult clients spend less time on big life decisions, like buying a home, than they do on choosing the right toaster oven! A real estate agent does not suffice as an independent consultant. Pay a financial advisor to listen to your priorities and discern whether buying your “dream house” is the best way to meet all of your goals.
2. Just as Ron urges us to speak with our children about money, I have urged my clients to improve their relationships by speaking openly with their spouses and friends when money matters arise. For example, when good friends stayed with us recently, I suggested that I pay for most of the meals and other expenses, given the great disparity in our incomes. I grew up with a clear instruction never to talk about money, so this was a huge step for me. The result was that our friends and I felt relieved that we could communicate openly. We cleared any assumptions that I would always pay or that they would have to reciprocate when we visit them.
3. Ron cites a study showing that overindulging our children hinders their ability to become high functioning adults. There has got to be a sense of enough for our kids and for ourselves. We don’t just get diminishing returns from extra stuff (as we all learned in college Economics 101); we eventually get negative returns. There are studies supporting a strong correlation between materialism and depression (see the book The High Price of Materialism). For help on balancing ourselves and our children, take a look at www.sharesavespend.com.
4. How do you maximize enjoyment of your stuff? Give your kids and yourself a one-week break from a prized object, such as the television or iPhone. You’ll appreciate your device much more when you return.
5. Talk about your giving. This makes sense to help educate and model generosity for our kids, but why not talk about it with your adult friends, too? This is a great way to communicate your deepest values to your close circle and inspire them to do great things with their money as well. Also, giving, in contrast to spending, is positively correlated with happiness. Ron cites a study showing that giving away money and things that are dear to us creates more happiness than giving away our “leftovers.”
Whether you have young children, grown children or no children, if you start relating to money as you would want your children to relate to money, you’ll flourish.
