We put our daughter in charge of her own clothing and makeup spending when she turned 13. A bit more than a year into the process, I am able to report that it has been a supremely valuable exercise. She is learning about making choices and planning for future needs.
Initially, she was skeptical. She was concerned that ‘gaining control’ was going to result in fewer dollars. We assured her that we were going to be fair minded and that the process would not be punitive. We simply wanted her to take over the process that we have been managing for her: making choices. “You are going to be an adult in five years,” we explained. “We want to give you practice spending money now, because we think you are ready.”
Our deal was that if she spent less then we provided, the difference was hers to keep. It does not mean that we won’t lower future budgets. But again, we promised that any changes would be accompanied by an open and objective discussion.
Initially, we set her allowance monthly. We did our best to forecast. We had to make adjustments for items that we did not anticipate. She needed work clothes for a Saturday receptionist job at a local hair salon. And we opted to keep new ski clothes outside of the process. We learned as we went. We collaborated.
Once we had a year’s spending experience under our belts, we moved the clothing allowance to every three months. We use Square Cash to transfer her entire next season’s clothing budget to her Capital One Teen Money checking account that has it’s own Visa debit card. She then uses her debit card to make all purchases. Since the card is hooked up to Mint.com, she (and we) can see what she is spending. (Read more about online banking for teens here.)
This summer she announced that her budget absolutely needed to be increased. She did not have enough money for ‘basic items’. We sat down and reviewed some of her prior and planned future purchases with her. She had splurged on an expensive bathing suit. And she was planning to get two expensive dresses for upcoming school formals.
In a mostly rational, largely calm conversation we got the point across that she needed to make some choices. If she was only going to wear a dress once, she might want to spend less on each. And if she wanted to spend more, she might have to wear the same dress twice.
Of course, it was a disappointment to hear that she can’t have everything she wants. But she is going to get what she needs. We shared that mom and dad had just been through the same process. We had been thinking about how fun it would be to go to Hawaii over Christmas. But it is the most expensive time of year to travel. And with the summer vacation that we had already taken, it would blow out the travel budget. Instead, we are going to take a road trip and visit family in SoCal.
Here is the kicker! She has supplemented her weekend salon job with a summer job at a local bookstore. She is positively rolling in the dough. If she wants to get two expensive dresses, she can afford it. And I know she knows the value of those hard-earned dollars. She recently said to me, “When I see a $30 mascara at the store, I now think to myself, that is three hours work.”
Knowing that wants are unlimited but that resources are limited, we have created a safe-space for our daughter to experience that dynamic. She can make choices and own her outcomes. By the time she is an independent adult, she is going to know how to use her resources wisely.
