Imagine a couple sitting down at their favorite restaurant. They settle in and relax and the server uncorks a nice bottle of wine. Then one of them pulls out a formal agenda. It’s time to talk about money.
Um, what’s going on here?
This is a couple gearing up to have their monthly family money meeting. They are actively working toward building their vision for an abundant life.
What Is a Family Money Meeting?
A family money meeting is a block of time intentionally set aside for a couple to regularly talk about money in a way that benefits each individual in the relationship, and the collective.
The restaurant example is actually from my real life. And yes, I’m the one pulling out the formal agenda! While this specific set-up is what works for me and my husband, I know that talking about money during date night might not be your idea of a fun time. But I promise it doesn’t have to be awkward.
The right setting is going to look different for each couple. As you explore the idea of regularly discussing money with your partner, think about creative ways to make it a positive (and dare I say FUN?!) experience. More on this in a bit!
Why Talk About Money?
Financial opportunities and challenges within a partnership can only be tackled together. Holding regular family money meetings can be a game-changer for couples looking to align their financial goals and foster open communication about all things money. It’s also a chance to dream about the future without the distraction of kids, work, or other day-to-day responsibilities.
Committing to our family money meetings has motivated my husband and me to practice saying “no” to unnecessary and unaligned things in our lives so we can say “heck yes” to the experiences that bring us immense joy and fulfillment. Here’s how these meetings have impacted our lives:
- Career Changes: We were able to set aside enough money for both of us to change careers. This investment has offered incredible returns: more balance, more control of our time, and a greater sense of purpose in our work.
- Redefining Our Needs: Family money meetings led us to realize we didn’t need a bigger house. Instead, we recalibrated toward buying a camper, which represents living out our value of spending time in nature and exposing our children to the wonders of the natural world.
- Mindful Spending: Having dedicated conversations about money and values gives us the space to continue practicing mindful pushback against the hamster wheel of “more.”
These meetings have empowered us to make intentional choices that align with our values and long-term goals. Open financial communication, and the dedicated space to dream and plan, can lead to incredibly fulfilling life decisions..
How to Get Started With Family Money Meetings
Make it Fun
Set up your family money meeting in a way where when you see it on the calendar, you get excited. Maybe it’s a breakfast out sans toddlers – meaning you can eat slowly and relaxed. Whatever it is, it should feel like a treat. If this happens to be your first real money talk, the #1 goal should be a positive conversation, focused on how you can succeed, together.
But Also Make it a Bit Formal
It might seem odd to bring a formal agenda to a meeting with your partner, but treating the conversation with a level of formality might actually take the pressure off. It’s like you’re business partners (which… you kind of are, running the business of your household!), where you expect a level of respect and productive dialogue. Having a running Google doc can be a great way for each person to contribute to the agenda.
To help you get started, I’m sharing my very first family money meeting agenda. This outline is a baseline for couples just beginning to get on the same page about money. Feel free to adapt, and stay tuned for future blog posts where I’ll share my agendas for on-going family money meetings.
Family Money Meeting Agenda #1
Date:
Location:
Financial Values – Where are our similarities and differences?
- What are three things you enjoy spending money on?
- What are three things you most dislike spending money on?
- If you had to drastically cut back on spending, what would be the hardest thing to give up? What would be the easiest?
- What would you do if any extra $50,000,000 landed in your bank account today?
Individual Goals
- A year from now, how do you want your finances to be different?
- Five years from now, how much money do you think you’ll be earning – and where will it come from? What will it mean to be earning that amount? What do you want your life to look like?
- Ten years from now, how much money do you think you’ll be earning – and where will it come from? What will it mean to be earning that amount? What do you want your life to look like?
- How do you picture retirement?
- What are three things on your bucket list – that you absolutely want to do sometime in your life?
Family Goals
- What was money like for you growing up? Do we want to approach money similarly or differently in our family?
- What is the life we want to build for our family?
- What are we willing to do to get it?
- What is our step-by-step plan to do so?
Next Steps
- Track spending. Are we overspending in any categories that aren’t as important to us? What categories should we be spending more on?
- Create values-based cash flow plan
- If spending doesn’t align with our values – how do we reconcile?
- How much do we need to save/invest to build toward the life we envision? What savings can we automate?
- What additional research do we need to do?
- Who can help us if we have blind spots or questions we’re having trouble answering?
Tips for Successful Family Money Meetings
Stay Curious
Genuine curiosity can go a long way in keeping money conversations helpful and joy-based (or at least not barreling toward fear). Shoot for lots of questions from a nonjudgmental place of wanting to understand your partner better.
Sample script: “When I think about using money in the most aligned way possible, I envision taking our parents – ALL the grandparents – on a trip every year. I’d love to do that with you. What would an abundant life feel like for you? What would it look like? I’d love to know.”
Facing Resistance and Disagreements
It’s common for one person to be the “money person” in the relationship. If you’re reading this article, that might be you, and perhaps you’re worried about how your partner might react when you initiate the meeting. Here are some strategies to help overcome potential hesitancy or resistance:
- Frame it as a collaborative effort: Present the meeting as an opportunity to seek your partner’s advice and thoughts. This approach can make them feel valued and included.
- Focus on dreams, not problems: Reassure your partner that this first money conversation isn’t about solving problems. It’s about finding time to dream together about your future.
- Choose inviting language: Consider alternative names for the meeting. Instead of calling it a “money” meeting, try “Family Dream Session” or “Future Planning Date.” Choose a name that makes it feel like a fun and inviting space for both of you.
- Start small: Begin with a short, informal chat over coffee or during a walk. This can help ease into the idea of regular financial discussions without the pressure of a formal meeting.
Remember, the goal is to create a positive experience that both partners will want to repeat. By approaching the conversation with openness and creativity, you’re more likely to turn these financial discussions into a rewarding shared activity. Finances = future planning = romantic!
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Some couples find that having a third party intermediary to help plan and facilitate these conversations results in more productive conversations and ultimately, more nurtured relationships with money and with each other. Reach out to Hannah to see if partnering with Abacus might be a good fit.
