New Year, Same You: Approach 2025 With Compassion

Transcript of the Episode

Mary Beth:

Hey there. Welcome to the If Money Were Easy podcast, the show where we teach you how to expand what’s possible with your money. We are your hosts, Mary Beth Storjohann and Neela Hummel, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNERS® and Co-CEOs of Abacus Wealth Partners. Today on the show, we are talking about how to have a compassionate start to the new year. Welcome, Neela.

Neela:

Welcome, Mary Beth.

Mary Beth:

It’s good to see you.

Neela:

I feel like I’m already at ease thinking about this as a topic.

Mary Beth:

This is our kickoff to Season 3.

Neela:

Yeah, two seasons in the bag. Thanks everyone for coming on this journey with us.

Mary Beth:

We’re experienced podcasters. Who would have thought?

Neela:

You’ve always been an experienced podcaster. Now I’m an experienced podcaster.

Mary Beth:

I haven’t always been experienced. I had to fumble my way through it. And now based on the intro that nobody’s going to hear that mess up in, I also am still working my way through it.

Neela:

So we’re going to be compassionate with ourselves.

Mary Beth:

We are. And that’s okay. So it is. As of right now, it’s January 23rd. This will air end of February, so we’ll keep that in mind as we’re talking to folks. But Nee, how is January going for you so far?

Neela:

I’m just going to go on record and say that January has had a little bit of a bumpy start. I’ve had a few images come through my social media saying, “Hey, you know, I did the 14-day trial on January and I’d like to unsubscribe because things are not going great.” So I’m in Los Angeles, and part of my city is still on fire. We’ve been in fires for the last several weeks, which has been a little bit of a shock to the system. And it just kind of feels like there’s a lot going on. There’s been a lot of transitions. There’s been a lot of change. We have a new administration. We’ve had these natural disasters.

There’s just kind of a lot happening. Plus, I think there’s also just a lot of angst that can come with a new year, of like, “this is going to be my year of X, Y, Z.” And I think we end up putting so much pressure on ourselves that that, combined with the fact that it’s been a rough start, can feel kind of like a tough start.

Mary Beth:

Yeah. How are you doing fire wise with the fires and like family, clients, friends – quick check in there.

Neela:

I mean, luckily our house made it. My parents house made it, but it was very close. I know a lot of people – both clients, and we have a team member, and just a number of people in my community – who lost their homes and or have been displaced. So it’s been a big, just a hit, I think, to LA. 

And at the same time, as hard and as scary as it’s seemed, I’ve also just seen the city come together in such a beautiful way. You know, I mean, I’m an optimist forever. And so even amidst all of the toughness, just seeing everybody come together has been really beautiful. I was telling a team member earlier – thinking about the restaurants in our city, and running a restaurant is a very hard thing to do. It is a low profit business, typically because there’s just so much high overhead, and so many restaurants that made it through the pandemic now are getting hit again. And yet they’re also the first ones who are raising their hands and are like, how can we feed people? Come in for a free meal. Firefighters, like, we got you covered. 

And so just trying to encourage all of us to do our part to support the community that’s supporting the community also. So, like, I bought lunch for the entire office from one of the restaurants that’s supporting first responders.

Mary Beth:

Oh, that’s so cool. 

Neela:

Which is fun.

Mary Beth:

That’s really fun.

Neela:

I was like, I can do this. I have an expense account.

Mary Beth:

Yeah, using your power, using your influence. Neela also wrote a fantastic blog with a ton of resources for fire victims. So if it’s helpful for you, if you’re listening or anybody that you know, we’ll link to it. Check it out. We also have a webinar that Abacus did recently as well for resources. And we’re putting together a pro bono day, that’ll be coming soon.

Neela:

I love that.

Mary Beth:

Doing our part and doing what we can to get through. And you know, I’m two and a half hours away in San Diego, but Nee’s been in the thick of it and maybe we’ll even share some of the photos from the office. Just so people can see how, yeah, how close we are.

Neela:

But, you know, as we were looking at this as our series opener, I like this – you came up with this as our topic. And why did this resonate with you as the way of kicking off this season?

Mary Beth:

I mean, it’s three weeks in and we’ve had a presidential inauguration. LA is on fire. We’ve had a lot of transition, and change, and like, the term “emotional flooding” has come up just kind of in my sphere recently. And it’s mostly like the emotional flooding feels like a lot is happening – like, social media and media-wise. Right. There’s a lot of anxiety and fear or anticipation depending on where you fall on political spectrums, and where you’re at in your life and even living in the country. Based on LA in terms of, but there’s also the crazy weather on the east coast right now as well.

But I think with everything going on and seeing the meme that you mentioned, seeing the one that I shared yesterday, which was like, “I’m doing this new challenge called January where I just try to make it through each day of January.” And I was like, I like that. You know, usually it’s “dry January,” but we’re just trying to get through. 

I just felt, you know, in order to kick off this season, it would be a miss on our part not to pause and talk about, like – we closed up Season 2 with this “Power of Gratitude,” knowing that we’re kind of heading into the season of change and transition over the next four years. Reminding ourselves also, you know, the holiday season, wanting to have that gratitude. But kicking off a new year, how can we start it from a more compassionate way versus, like, “hit the ground running?” I was talking to a friend this morning. She just got back from sabbatical and she was like, “I wanted to hit the ground running in business and get going.” She’s like, “and then I rolled my ankle falling off a curb and I literally hit the ground walking. And now I sprained my ankle and can’t do any of my walks. And that’s how it’s going for me.” 

So I think it’s one of those things where we have this goal of like, we’re going “new year, new me” and we have all these aspirations that we do while we’re kind of cozied up for the holidays of how we’re going to launch ourselves. And then the year hits, and LA is on fire, and the east coast is frozen. And then there’s a ton of stuff coming out of social media. Like – should you even be on social media right now based on all the changes? 

So I’m like, you know what, let’s take a beat. Take a beat and talk about what’s happening. Acknowledging the change, acknowledging transition, acknowledging that we’re humans that can enter a stress cycle based on what we’re exposed to, and talk about ways that we get through it – you know, what steps we’re taking to control things. And steps that we advise our clients on as well, especially from a financial aspect, when there’s a lot of anxiety right now around money in different ways as well.

Neela:

Yeah. You know, when we think about acknowledging change, there’s a piece of that that is also like acknowledging the external change and also acknowledging the change that we can control. Because I think sometimes when there’s so much external stimuli happening, there’s this out-of-control feeling. And as human beings, we find safety in control. And so when we think about what is possible, obviously I’m like, well, I can’t keep Los Angeles from being on fire. That is not in my job description, nor could I do that if I wanted to. But what can I control? You know, you mentioned that blog article. I was like, okay, I can either go and volunteer or I can try and put together a resource that is based on my profession and see if I can help. That was actually such a cathartic exercise because I was like, I feel like I can help the community in my own way.

And so then taking – just thinking about your own life and just being exposed to all the stimuli, what are the things that you can control? When it comes to finance, people think that it’s something that you need to put a lot of time into, when it really isn’t. So much of the best financial moves and the tips that set people up for success are a few things that you plan on doing, that you automate, and then you kind of check out. Like it actually doesn’t require that much time and attention. 

So thinking about the things that we can control – what are the things you control? Okay, so new year: there are higher 401(k) contributions, right? Look at your 401(k). How much are you contributing? Take a look at your mix of investments. Is that the right mix for you and your goals right now? How’s your emergency fund? Do you want to be contributing to that? There’s just little things that you can just take a look at and feel like you’re making progress on that. Probably you can sit down and make some great moves in 30 minutes.

Mary Beth:

And I think that’s really important in terms of the micro tasks. So your 401(k), for example – what is the contribution limit for your 401(k)? Make the adjustments to increase it or max it out, if possible. Readjust your allocation based on the allocation that you’ve previously set that is best for you. And that’s it, right? So never mind the noise that might be coming out of what’s happening in the market and the fear that could possibly be out there of changes to come or what interest rates are going to do. If you have worked with a professional or you have an allocation that is set that you have already determined is the best for you based on your risk tolerance and time horizon towards needing access to the funds, there’s not really anything else that you need to do. As long as you’re set to rebalance on an automatic basis, like, you’re good. 

That could feel almost too easy for some people, right? Like, your stress cycle might want to – you might be drawn to the noise, you might be drawn to the news and then figure out like, oh my gosh, what do I need to do? And you kind of get spun up. But allowing yourself to sit in, okay, I made these adjustments. And kind of giving yourself that space to exhale – so often we just don’t allow that space.

Neela:

Yes. I like that you hit the point of it almost seeming like not enough. Some people almost like, need it. And I think confusingly, like needing it or being addicted to it is an interesting divide. I mean, I think you’ve had clients who came in who were individual stock pickers. And they’re like, no, no, I check, I check the market all the time. And then the natural question is: is that serving you? How do you feel after that? Because basically you’re sending your body into this stress state. You’re just like, pumping it full of cortisol. Which they say, you know, when you check – even when you check social media – it hits your brain with cortisol and you’re like, is this good? Have I pre-programmed myself to do this? But it’s actually something that’s not helping me.

Mary Beth:

You know, one of the things that’s come up in terms of all the new year research, and happiness, and finding this peace, is this idea of the doom scroll – which is on social media and on the news, right? Even if you think that you are doing like, okay, I’ve checked these boxes on these easy tasks for my finances and things are done. I put it over here. You end up on these platforms, which is your way of distracting yourself, which actually does induce fear because it’s like hitting a slot machine. Like, you don’t know what’s coming. And the algorithm might feed you puppies and kitties and, you know, all of those warm affirmations. But boom, they have advertisements now and whoever is paying for whatever advertisement, those are popping up. You know, you can’t control the news feed either.

What’s coming in those headlines are meant to get you to click through – that’s hitting you with cortisol, the fear. Like, you’re just jumping in immediately. And so the thing – in terms of managing your stress cycle and managing what you can control – the thing that I’ve started doing and that I encourage others to do as well is, like, starting to understand and recognize, how do you feel when you’re scrolling? How do you feel after you’re done scrolling, too? We all love a good Instagram, TikTok video and all of those things. But if you really set a timer of, like, I’m gonna scroll for five minutes, you know, and check in intentionally with yourself – do I feel better or worse after, you know, 10 minutes? Understanding and noting how you feel, you might be surprised because so often those are just habits. Now we’re on autopilot. How many times do you pick up your phone? Just like, you know, when you’re in the elevator, when people are in the bathroom, whenever. You don’t go anywhere without this thing. Because you can’t just be. It can’t be that easy, right? So we complicate it for ourselves.

Neela:

It’s funny that I talked to my therapist at different points, obviously, and when we were talking about being able to turn my brain off, she’s like, “do you ever sit on the couch and just not do anything?” And I laughed. I was like, “do people do that?” Yeah. And she’s like, “yes, Neela, people do that.” And I’m like, great, okay, that is something that I can work on. And just like, sit without a phone, without something on the tv, without an agenda, and just sit. That is something that I am trying to do more of in 2025, but it’s so uncomfortable.

Mary Beth:

But you start. It’s actually uncomfortable. It is easier for me to pick up the phone and make myself more uncomfortable on social media and doom scrolling – whatever the Wall Street Journal wants to feed me in the moment – than me sitting in silence on the couch. Like, how long am I here? What do I do?

Neela:

Yeah, what is the plan? What is next?

Mary Beth:

Yeah, and you just let stuff come up and you’re, that’s it. And then. Then I gotta reflect. That’s the uncomfortable work.

Neela:

It is uncomfortable.

Mary Beth:

I was talking earlier. I’m like, doing the work is actually very tiring, but it makes you better and more aware of your habits and the things – like how we end up in the stress cycle due to things that we can’t actually control, and how external factors are influencing our stress cycles and making our lives less enjoyable.

Neela:

Yeah. And the idea of putting the timer on social media, or whatever it is, it’s taking control back. It’s putting some intentionality around how you spend your time. You know, if you take your phone and you do the screen usage, the app usage. If you look at that and you see how much time you’re spending on some apps – are you getting the value out of that time? In the same way we talk about, if you take a look at your budget – my favorite thing at the end of the year, I know I’m a monster – is to look at the last year’s worth of expenses and be like, okay, did I get the value out of these expenses? Did I spend so much more on something that I didn’t really get the value for? Or like, oh, I only spent this on that. That’s something that’s super important to me. That’s something that I want to do more of next year. Travel, for example

And you can do the same thing with screen time usage. You’re like, oh, my God, I spent how long on Instagram? I could have literally read 12 books if I hadn’t done that. Is it serving you? And it’s again, the intentionality versus being fed stuff that you’re not going out and looking for necessarily.

Mary Beth:

Yeah, you don’t have control. You could try and filter your feed, but with the business that is social media – it is a business, it is an advertising platform – you don’t actually have control. It’s not like when you pick up an actual book you’re reading, you have control over what’s happening there. But that component of it, the intentionality and the timer, I mean, I still pick up my phone sometimes and that weekly Sunday report, that alert, I’m like, ooh, okay. You know, and it’s kind of a gut check. Because then I look at that, too.

I’m like, how many hours in this area or how many hours in total? How many phone pickups per day? I’m like, why do I need to pick up my phone that much? Just even the number of pickups sometimes – like, what’s happening? And I think that’s really understanding the tide to our stress cycles, especially right now as we’re starting the year, because there is the stress of “New Year, New Me.” There’s all the New Year’s resolutions of, you know, all of the stores are out of the holidays now, so they’re either feeding you Valentine’s Day or all your workout gear because you’re supposed to obviously start your year off looking fabulous.

Neela:

Drop those pounds. What were you even doing over the holidays?

Mary Beth:

What are they pushing? So anything that you’re opening right now is about some change that you need to make for yourself to be better, or something that you should be angry about, or something that’s basically going to cause fear into your life. There’s not a lot of peace that you’re going to get from the Internet at this point in time.

Neela:

Yeah. I’m curious if there are any retailers out there who are like, you know what, just be you. You don’t have to change anything. You don’t need me. You don’t need anything that I offer in this store. You do you, girl.

Mary Beth:

Patagonia. Is that Patagonia? No.

Neela:

Maybe Patagonia is as close as we get.

Mary Beth:

Right?

Neela:

But even then they’re like, “Neela, the sale, it’s happening. You sure you don’t need that sweater?”

Mary Beth:

You shopping here helps us to do good. So you’re doing good by spending your money, which I’m not mad about that one strategy.

Neela:

I do love that you talked about that with New Year’s resolutions, because it’s such a high pressure time of like, this is the year of X. You know, it almost invites these huge changes that oftentimes we just set ourselves up for disappointment with these grandiose things that maybe aren’t even connected to something that’s important to us. It’s like, I’m gonna lose 20 pounds. Maybe instead of that, I’m gonna be like, maybe I’m gonna stop eating chips after 10 PM, that’s where I’m gonna start.

Mary Beth:

Exactly. That’s so interesting. You know, it’s always like action-oriented goals that we’re setting for ourselves. And you know, I’m just coming off of a week in this life planning training. And so I think it’s really important – I went through this activity, it starts off with these three questions. 

You do journaling prompts: You have all of the money in the world, you’re financially secure, how do you spend your time? I’m like, oh, this is fun, what would I do? And you start dumping everything down – like, all the money, all the dreams are out there. That’s your happy space. 

And then you know, next one is: You’ve heard from your doctor, you have 5 to 10 years left to live. You don’t know how you’ll die, you know, it’ll be peaceful and painless though. You have all of the money you need. How do you spend the next 5 to 10 years? And then I’m like, okay, well, so you’ve got like a constricted timeline. So then you’re taking your brain dump of your life and you’re moving it down. 

And then from there, the last one is: You have 24 hours left to live. What do you spend your time doing? What do you regret not doing? What will you miss? And then you’re brain dumping, which – so then I’m sobbing, obviously, because I’m like totally anxious because my kids are front and center, right? 

The thing that came up, all of these New Year’s resolutions, all of these things you want to accomplish, and the thing that comes out is, you know, I went back to my kids, right? That was what came up for me. And I love Brian, obviously, but the thing that kind of came up with the cohort – some people were like, “I love my partner, my significant other, but we’ve also had 10, 15, 20 years together. And the things I’m gonna miss – my kids.” 

Their kids are the ages – like our kids are, you know – they’re missing those opportunities with them. Like, I know my spouse will go on to be okay. And so I’m like, oh man, you talk about all these goals and those are all still really important. And we don’t wanna live in this 24-hour period. But it was a really interesting reframe of, okay, so these are the things that I would miss with my kids. These are the things that I would want to do with them. Like, what would I be truly upset about not doing? What would kind of cause that heartbreak? And that’s it. That’s how you kind of get in and distill down to like, those are the things that are important to you that you probably want to take more immediate action on. 

So after I picked myself up off the floor from that visualization, you start to kind of craft your ideal days and weeks and months and years and start to kind of create this vision for your life. And so it was really interesting though from a New Year’s – like a different approach to it. Starting this in January, going through this having all these goals for myself, but, oh, actually, it’s this thing over here that’s important. And my goals are not trash, but they’re not truly what’s most important. Because this over here got me to that space. So I don’t know, I thought it was a different, interesting perspective, and kind of reframed.

I mean, I’ve never really been like this “new year, new me.” I really feel like more of a slow evolution. I love having goals, and I like to crush goals – as you and I both do, if we’re being honest.

Neela:

She says crush, I say decimate. You know, whatever.

Mary Beth:

But being mindful of this evolution of okay, like, these things – who are they for? And what kind of system am I operating within? You know, who am I proving these things to versus what’s truly going to be the most impactful over time?

Neela:

It just laser focuses you on true priorities. Yeah, there’s plenty of priorities that people have that also might feel like other people’s priorities that you’ve somehow taken on. But you doing that work is like, no, no, no, this is it. And so this is going to be the fulcrum, and everything’s going to be designed around that. Which I just, like, get chills thinking about.

Mary Beth:

It’s scary. You have that, and you’re like, well, if I’m not going to act in line with this, well, what are we doing here? What are we doing here? And so it’s a little bit of shining this light there, and you’re kind of, oh, okay. I mean, that’s the stress I think I want in my life. I want to be stressed out about living my true, authentic values and the things that are important to me. I don’t want to be stressed out about what the news is throwing my way. I have empathy and compassion and also like doing my part. We’ve donated to certain areas for the fire. We’re doing certain things and taking action in our community.

But beyond controlling what I can control, I’ve really taken the stance of “what’s the next right step for me in my life?” I’ve opened up The Wall Street Journal probably every day for the last four days. I’ll glance at a headline, and I’m like, nope, not today. I’m aware of what’s happening, but getting my news from different sources because I just know from the way certain headlines are being written, I’m like, it’s just not a good absorption tool for me right now.

Neela:

Not serving you at the moment.

Mary Beth:

Not serving but you know, I stay up to date in my own ways. I have Substacks that I’m subscribed to that are giving me my news and I feel good about that. I think the same thing for social media – figuring out what are the things that are true stressors. I think there’s a lot of fear. Even with that fear that comes with transition and change. I mean, especially right now in our country, fear-wise, again, it goes back to controlling what we can control. Doing your part. I’ve spoken with friends who are very concerned in a variety of areas. But again, we can’t control it all. And so what can you do in your communities? How can you show up for your families, your people, you know, your clients, your customers? And what can you do in that way? That small step there in your circle, versus kind of wringing our hands on the things that we can’t necessarily control.

Neela:

I think, also thinking about that – especially as it relates to markets – people get very nervous during transitioning times. Particularly with, you know, presidential transitions. But just any time there’s something big, people get spooked about “what are the markets going to do?” And the reality is that nobody knows. Like, you can go back and see what different talking heads –  different economists, different bank heads – what they thought the economy was going to do. Honestly, they’re all wrong. And the occasional one is right literally just by luck. Because the reality is nobody knows. There’s so many different factors that go into what the stock market does.

Individual companies, individual countries, tax policies, economic indicators, employment numbers. There’s just so many pieces, and so we can’t control it. But going back to what you said about “do you have the right investment allocation that lines up with what you want your life to be, with your goals?” That’s the part that you can control. Don’t try and time it. Don’t try and guess where it’s going to go. You might be right once, but you’re probably not going to be right twice. It’s not worth monkeying with it. I think the other thing I would add is, as we talk about New Year’s resolutions, I feel like they’re kind of out because I think people are seeing that they’re just not helpful.

You don’t achieve them, and then you’re down on yourself. And so this reframe from New Year’s resolutions towards intentions, and then exactly what you were talking about with the life planning work. Actually, The New York Times did a great article on basically like, intentions over New Year’s resolutions. And they interviewed Dan Harris, author of 10% Happier.

Mary Beth:

I love him.

Neela:

He’s so great. And he talks about how making something meaningful to you is a great way to increase the odds that you’re actually going to do it. And so you talking about like, if your priority is to spend more time with your kids and you know that if you had 24 hours to live, it would be with your kid. I better believe that this coming year that’s how you’re going to be investing your time and resources.

Mary Beth:

That’s it. Yeah that’s, I think, the important thing – the financial side I think is really important. You’re right. We see it with clients. But whenever there is a big world event of any kind, that is when clients come in and that’s our job, to provide that reassurance. And we’re literally paid to provide the reassurance and to remind clients why they’re invested, and in terms of where their allocation is, and how it works for their plan. And that’s okay. The anxiety and the fear is absolutely okay.

The other side of the coin also is like, if you do take action on that fear, it’s usually impulse. And it’s without plan, or thought as to when you will get back in or recover. There’s an immediate step or action that happens because of the fear. But that next step of: and then what? So you’ll take this action, and then what? And then when would you get back in the market? What would you wait for?

Neela:

How would you know it was time?

Mary Beth:

How would you know? And I think that’s the thing to keep in mind if you do feel compelled to take an action that might not be aligned with the plan that you’ve originally committed to for yourself. And then what? Like, what would be your next step after taking that action? And making sure you’re writing it down, and have some sort of accountability on it, and making sure that you’re okay with the consequences of that action. Up or down, playing the “what if” game or like, only “if” game or “shoulda woulda coulda” game. Making sure that you are comfortable with any repercussions of that as well.

Neela:

I think it goes back to feelings versus actions, and you can validate the feeling of “I feel really scared right now. I don’t know what the market’s going to do. I’m afraid that the market’s going to drop 30%.” That’s a real fear. And the real fear behind that is, “I’m not going to be able to do what I want to do. I’m afraid I’m not going to hit my goals.” That’s the real human fear. And then the action is the thing that you’re like, okay, the fear might be real, but the action actually doesn’t change that fear.

The action is a perception of control, but it’s actually not, because you’re not done. You take and you’re like, oh, I have ton in action. And then you know what you’re doing the next day. You’re watching the market. Oh, I should have waited another day. Oh, glad I did it today. But what about tomorrow? That feeling doesn’t go away. And the action that you take can actually backfire so much more than you might fear.

Mary Beth:

It’s a way of actually keeping yourself in that stress cycle as opposed to, like, acknowledging that fear right in peace, talking with, like, a trusted advisor, understanding and kind of processing it out. Taking action on that fear can actually keep you in the stress cycle longer than you intended to be.

Neela:

So if you want some action items or things that can make you feel like you’re in control from a financial standpoint, check out what you’re doing from an automatic investment standpoint. Make sure that you have, you know, enough cash is invested and you’ve got enough cash set aside. Take a look at how you spent your money last year, see what changes you want to make going forward, and set any other intentions. But you don’t need to do that much to feel like you’re making progress on your finances.

Mary Beth:

I think that’s it.

Neela:

And go easy on yourself. Progress over perfection.

Mary Beth:

One step at a time.

Neela:

Yeah, hopefully, you know, things have mellowed out in February, but, yeah, hopefully.

Mary Beth:

This is just like, yeah, not totally relevant to anybody. And doesn’t land.

Neela:

Yep. Hopefully it doesn’t land.

Mary Beth:

Hopefully this doesn’t land for all of you and everybody’s feeling great and at peace. That is my hope and wish for everybody, is that you’re all able to just pass on right by this episode. Because it’s not necessary. Right.

Neela:

2025 will be a great year, whether you learn three languages or not.

Mary Beth:

Exactly. It will.

Neela:

There you go.

Mary Beth:

All right, thanks, y’all.

Neela:

Happy New Year, everyone.

Mary Beth:

Happy New Year. Thanks for tuning in to today’s episode of if Money Were Easy. If this is the year that you want to expand what’s possible with your money, and you can use some professional guidance along the way, head over to abacuswealth.com to get started and schedule your free consultation.

Disclosure:

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