It was Sunday, February 14, Valentine’s Day. When many were having wine and roses and dinner out, I was having what was probably one of the most intimate of experiences with my husband of 30 years, a conversation about our finances.
I am you. Lost in the shuffle of raising and launching three kids, two careers, aging parents and the normal ups and downs of life was a focus on our financial goals and what we needed to do to reach them. We have had many conversations over the years about the specifics of the goals but never really looked at the numbers to understand what it all meant. Fortunately for us, our goals are compatible, and more importantly, our attitudes about money have always been similar (we are both Caretakers/Guardians/Savers from the Abacus archetype quiz). Money hasn’t been something that we ever argued over. In our division of labor, I have taken care of all the finances, paid the bills and communicated with our CPA, lawyer and insurance agent, and he has trusted me to get it all done correctly.
While this system worked fine for years, if the truth be told, my husband was often bothered that I couldn’t rattle off the answers to some basic questions like “What do we spend on food?” “What are our insurance expenses?” and, of course, “When will I be able to retire?” He thought, not surprisingly, that I would have the answers to these questions in the front of my brain. The truth is that I just never took the time to step out of the weeds to take a good long look at our own finances.
This is the classic example of “the shoemaker’s children going barefoot” or “doctors make the worst patients.” Regardless of the analogy of choice, I realized that I needed to engage an advisor and go through the planning process just like any other client. Moreover, I could see that this would enable my husband to feel more empowered around our finances, as he would see the numbers and have the opportunity to help put together those numbers.
So for a Valentine’s Day gift to each other, we agreed that analyzing the numbers was our No. 1 priority and that we would both make the effort to put together the data. We even set a due date. That was Step 1. For Step 2, we updated our Mint.com account. For those who don’t know Mint, it is a free app that aggregates your checking, credit card and investment accounts. I have used it in the past with clients but hadn’t looked at the app for our own expenses in a few years and certainly had not used it with the same purpose that I wanted to now. In a few hours, I was able to “make it sing,” which means that my expenses were categorized, some large ones were tagged so that they were not included in our normal monthly budget, the kids’ accounts were excluded and I could now see some trends.
Step 3 was to discuss. We set up a meeting for one hour of uninterrupted time to look at the numbers together. No phone calls. No multitasking.
Step 4: We would set up a meeting with one of my colleagues to review the numbers and discuss the planning opportunities that the numbers illustrate. While I certainly see the opportunities myself (do we really need all of these insurance policies?), I know that engaging one of my coworkers to be our advisor will force accountability and will provide an independent resource to my husband. There will be someone to coach/nudge/encourage/remind us to contact our insurance agent, lawyer, etc.
Step 5: Well, that will be planning something fun to do together—a bike trip, dinner out, theater in NYC, a hike—all with the mental freedom that comes from knowing where we are and where we are going.
