Did you hear that? That’s the sound of the glass ceiling shattering. Around a third of women now earn more than their husbands, nearly twice as many as 25 years ago.1
Unfortunately, even in this post-Mad Men era, many financial advisors, lawyers and CPAs assume that men are the primary breadwinners. You are marked as the spouse on your tax return, co-borrower on a mortgage or car loan, and joint account owner at the bank. Even Certified Financial Planner™ professionals (76% of whom are men, by the way2) find that they lose many of their female clients after the death of their husbands, because these women want “their own” advisor.
More Than a Co-Client
If you are the higher-earning spouse or partner but are being relegated to “co-client,” your advisors may miss some very important tax-saving and other planning opportunities. You may even feel some trepidation and fear in your relationship. What if your partner knew you made more than them? Would your relationship change?
So for all of you high-earning women out there, what can you do to protect both your income and your relationship?
Communication Is Everything
It’s time to open up. Schedule a time with a third party (a therapist, best friend or financial advisor all are great resources) to talk through your beliefs about the role of money in your relationship. Questions to ask each other include:
- Who pays which bills and who balances the checkbook?
- How each of you would feel if one earned more than the other? How about much more?
- How would you split up assets if the relationship didn’t work out?
- Could your lower-earning partner be contributing more to retirement accounts given your higher income?
- Should there be more disability or life insurance coverage on you than on your partner given the lifestyle changes that would be necessary if something were to happen to you?
These conversations may be some of the hardest you ever have, but you may surprise each other. One client who was terrified to tell her husband how much she earned discovered that he had no issues with it, something that only made their relationship stronger. (“Saying I Do to Your Partner’s Finances.”)
Don’t Feel Guilty
There are far too many women who want to play down their success, lest their partners feel “threatened.” A better alternative? Realize that your partner’s feelings are not a reflection on you and it may take time for them to accept that your success is not a reflection on them.
With all the talk on narrowing the gender gap, I say congratulations—you have already eliminated that gap for yourself. Your success is a huge achievement, and something to be proud of. As more women like you rise up through the earning ranks, make sure you do what you can to protect yourself from some of the financial and emotional risks that can come with it. By speaking openly with advisors who understand the dangers and opportunities of higher-earning women, you’ll very likely create a stronger financial future as well.
1 – U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 1988-2013 Annual Social and Economic Supplements to the CPS, http://www.bls.gov/cps/wives_earn_more.htm
2 – http://www.cfp.net/news-events/research-facts-figures/cfp-professional-demographics
